Worship Me.

2011-08-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

Then it comes a time when contemplation is not that of what's to come, but of what hasn't been done. I thought of a once was, of a what could have been, but like time, who has yet to give more of himself to man, I am kept to the two unforgiving hands. I now understand true solitude, graced only by acceptence. I have my choice, now what say you?

2011-07-07T15:30:00.001+08:00

Centre stage, the angular spot is at 70%.
Back lit; the actor is silouette only of the face.

Back-combed hair, the Versace suit is left to represent in the silence; his silver dress-watch glisters in the mellow yellow filtered light. His polished shoes a great symbol of upkeep.

He prepares to speak, his mouth ajar. But he heaves a sigh and bites his lower lip like a woman in contemplation; not your preferred look.

The first impressions.

2010-11-16T17:54:00.001+08:00

Grey clouds and dark skies, she weeps, uncertain and reluctant. Contorted beliefs of the sorrows swept away.

These people, they look worried; self-amused. They bother too much, too vigorous, too disturbed. It's a beautiful lie, it truely is, as they struggle in the search of happiness. Shakespeare would be sad.

How not do we try for a temporal bliss? Let's get lifted.

2010-05-11T19:23:00.002+08:00

Acceleration of sound; the divine intervention. Parished are the hopeful predicaments.

The premeditated decisions are all but shadowed phantoms now.

2010-05-08T22:00:00.002+08:00

One hell of a week, more than just a rollercoaster ride. Even Momento's elaborated plot of complexity stand no where near.

Secrets unwound; thrashed out like a rubbish thief ravages for his food. The insanity of it all is that it's been dragged 5 years. Now i can't seem to comprehend let alone poof a solution to answer.

Reminsce of the past decided on his visits once again, and the toll has brimmed. The freedom I once had and abused. I miss the good ol' days like a man in cowboy's hat; sunk in his wooden chair, rockin' to the amber sunset past a vast plain of sand.

Exploited, what should I think?

2010-04-29T16:25:00.002+08:00

The distrust; the deaf man watches a puppet scene. The melbourne shuffler.

I seek refuge once again, my cover has been blown; my facade shattered by eagle's eye and the serpent's tongue. What was once now is, my euphoria a strict discipline of habit.

There is a little boy past the glaze of a mirror, reflection of what bliss ignorance brings. The sorry world; he stands proud with a litted cigarette in his mouth. Inhale, exhale, inhale again. Death is of no consequence, he has chosen and decided. Life is but just an excuse of an option. Bring back the little boy's chocolate bar.

2010-04-05T12:22:00.002+08:00

Blissful months, a harmless blink of the eye, 9 months have breezed by and the tarnished frame of the parished mine.

Liberation is all but 14 months apart. I'm counting down like Robinson Crueso. I'm back to stay, back to commit to the prose.

2009-05-07T19:40:00.002+08:00

And sometimes I remember and remind myself, we are all truly fucked up.

Oh but not me, most certainly not me.
Cause I'd be too much of a saint to think I am like everyone else.

2009-04-23T07:00:00.003+08:00

Okay, so fuck yeah!

I've contemplated of my reasons to pinning my all-too-awaited thoughts. There isn't a certain need, neither is there a cause to have one. But what is, is it's indescribable relief of the mind.

I'm pretty much in too much of a daze to even construct a blog-piece ffs. I need money, which kinda means work, which really is too much of a chore; too troublesome. But I still need money, gambling doesn't seem to be working its charm on my investments; gravely sad indeed. So that leaves...collecting money, a hefty sum I should be looking at, well at least enough to last a couple of months till Uncle Lee decides to charge me with unpatriotic acts of freedom in his country. And then I really wonder what's next.

So fuck yeah! Aspirations and dreams are gonna be challenged soon. Luxurious life versus the inescapable reality of how to achieve such greatness of living.

I will make it rich, make it known...and most certainly not dread my life no longer.

Kudos my dim-witted schizophrenic other-half, cause again, FUCK YEAH!

2009-03-17T13:40:00.001+08:00

fuck

2009-03-17T13:00:00.002+08:00

You fucked me up, laid me on the streets.
You muted the bass and arrested my breath.
You almost got me killed.

But you are nothing more than my choice that is why I still want you.

2009-03-03T19:17:00.003+08:00

It was a beautiful solid carpet of blue, pasted into the dawn that approached. Nothing spectacular really, and if you thought about it, normality would be the pick. But normality can't exempt nature's sadistic mockery at me; 39degreesCelsius. So now normality sings the harmony of mere strides that we wouldn't have bothered breaking a sweat for. Natures glory; we should give her praise, because now as I pen this down, dusk greets me with this same beautiful solid carpet of blue.

And no it's not dead, rather, my blog's just not updated.

Plus I was thinking about this blog actually. I created this space to allow myself seclusion as and when I needed. Not some commercialized blog shit. Few people come by here once in awhile, and it contents me enough to have people bother. Cheers.

2009-01-28T10:07:00.002+08:00

MY BLOG AIN'T DEAD!

Blogging hasn't been the objective in the previous weeks/months and whatever god almighty has planned. Yes my blog isn't dead, it's just that I don't see a point in harassing the peace that it has gotten within. Ta'ha!

Besides, blogging isn't much fun anyway, I mean most of the time I'm sulking, or when I'm not I kill myself for being so utherly desperate on entertaining myself. And then there are the times where I even wonder whether anyone's gonna read the damn post I took 10 minutes deciding of what to put in. But then again, who cares.

Well since I'm at it, school's FUCKING OUT! So future plans, anyone? Ah fuck it, getting bored. Blogging really isn't much fun.

Just for the sake that someone might actually pop by: Bottoms UP to you fuckers who got me through the god-forsaken polytechnic! You know I really love guys that's why I called you fuckers to cover-up :D Kthxbye.

2008-10-14T01:00:00.006+08:00

HELLO WORLD! Now now, this post is specially dedicated to my gorgeously fat friend, Abutalib. Okay, make it that one line. Now let's move on to me.

See here...okay maybe there really isn't anything for me to blog about, let alone talk about. So SCREW YOU BLOGSPOT. Then again, I really don't have anything against it. So SCREW YOU...err, yah.

Aiyar fuck it lah, I love my fat friend. So now I'm dedicating this ENTIRE post to Mr Abu a.k.a "ThaPuffiest". Which really isn't all that cool if you think about it, cause it really just makes you sound...well...puffier? Ahaha, I'm laughing at my own joke. AHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHHAHAHA imaging myself laughing at myself is even funnier lehx. lOLx. lMAO. ROFL. SEEEEEEE-BAMBA-HOI! ahahahahahahhahahaha

wo heart ni leh pang zi. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. WHOOPIE! THAT'S ME!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHahahahhahahahahahahaha

I know, I know. I am in serious need a day-job...

Oh funfact: I bothered to properly sequence "a" and "h" one after the other.

2008-09-17T03:06:00.002+08:00

I have been re-connected.

That aside, I was wanting to post about the nauseating happening of the consequence of being curious. It was a mistake, an unnecessary one at that. Disgust? It's too mellow a word to even begin to describe. The impossible was questioned, and I am barely over it. It is so degrading it has to be a sin. Add it to the 7, make it the 11Th commandment not to commit such treachery. Betrayal of blood it seems, fuck that. They do say "earn your respect" for a reason, and frankly, turd has more significance.

Well that's over, and I was rather in the mood to introduce Airto and Lisa Levie. I do not usually post about these stuff, but this cannot be missed. It's 3am in the morning and I can't express it to anyone else, so well done Blogspot, just your day.

I'd mean it if I'd said "shoot yourself".

2008-08-26T17:42:00.004+08:00

The 26th of August. Mere date, insignificant it really is, and yet, comparisons were made. Reflective thoughts stream through like white waters, only thing is there really isn't calmness claimed to be seen in hurried and violent waters. This is not a impulsed depression of words, it is just a measure of a phase anyone would give time to. Creation of mutuality; they're lies I say. No one has to be bothered by my methods of relief, that of course, would usually pass off as "emo". Strange as it is that "emo" has little impact to lead to judgement and stereotyping, it is a step to discrimination and a superiority-reflex.

Well sadly, this is all going no where. Other 26th August to come, this year's spent pinning this down.

2008-08-15T07:15:00.003+08:00

"The bridge to Terabithia", fiction at it's best, but I was taken aback. So much so that I've decided to blog a post about it. And somehow I am saddened by it all.

It is more than just a story for minors, it is a story about realism versus surrealism. A story about idealism. A story that dwelt with heavy emotion unconventionally portrayed; silently given. Who would have thought the translation of script to film would have fed such immense provocation. I am in awe of the film. Then again, the film has a root grown into slight sadistic intentions I must say. The forming of a cliché relationship, the climax that seems to draw closer, and the sick destruction of it all through death.

My overall take is a show worth the time.

2008-08-06T02:29:00.004+08:00

A million things to be said, one word to describe - hypocrite.

It's a pity as to how I was so oblivious, and well, naive enough to think that I'd fit in. It's also a pity as to how I would have never thought I'd be mindfucked by mere words. And it is disgusting and an utter waste of my time to have bothered. It was an amazing feat to have asked for mercy and show gratefulness to people who have mere ideas of your taste in social lifestyles.

Sadly, what I would never raise a victor of is to be champion of my beliefs - "it's a fuck waste of time to even bother myself with negativity".

So why thank you, and congratulations, I could never be more earnest and truthful when I say, "fuck you, kan ni xi peh bu".

2008-08-04T05:32:00.000+08:00

Go fuck yourself, seriously. Disgusting ungratefulness.

2008-07-18T03:55:00.001+08:00

I do not condone hypocrisy; utterly disgusted.

2008-07-15T03:57:00.003+08:00

I've given in to temptation; the cheap thrilled entertainment. It is not permanent this I know, but with alcohol rushing through your body, the toxic eating into the head, when everything becomes surreal and under control - freedom. Massive bass that does not hit the ears, but hits your soul with intensity so violent it throws you off. The night life has been yearning to be claimed, I wait to be master of it, but of now, I choose to give in. Love does not exist in there, what does is degrading flirtation and respect only for the unseen. Ministry in short, nick named for the thrill seekers.

"Ministry" - this is were the party begins.

2008-06-26T00:42:00.003+08:00

I'm so high~!

Bambec and prednisolone! You are my new best friends! Well at least either one of you are, and I'll kill the other once I've found out just which one of you has no satisfying use for me. Ahaha

I think the "losing life..control" post was a shit mistake, I mean I'm not emo you see, I just...yeeeahh...So...anyway...Ah screw it, don't feel like blogging about anything now. Ceeeyao!!

2008-06-21T21:37:00.003+08:00

I think I'm losing touch, losing control.

I think I'm losing myself...

It's sad how change has to happen.

Life's become a bore once again, aimless and less of a target now.

2008-06-19T03:05:00.003+08:00

I am fucking disgusted. Disgusted by how adults in their mid-20s can get so motherfucking childish. It was just a game of DotA, "DotA" for fucks sake and you cunts have to create a whole fucking "whoo-ha!" out of it. For the love of god, grow up. You motherfucking sons-of-bitches are fucking thankful I was in a stupid state of confusion to say anything and walked off instead, you fuckers are fucking lucky. Cause if I didn't, you guys would have gave beating up this "defenseless-19-year-old" a thought, and if that were have to come to past, even your fucking homes won't be safe. This "defenseless weakling" happens to know people who would back him up. Then again, I don't have to show that I even consider resolving matters with brute and childish violence.

It's an utter pity I didn't get my chance to slaughter your entire families and fuck you guys with the corpses. Instead I'm here complaining to an online text space. Count your blessings. Oh and since I'm already at it, I might as well bitch with no outcome of how you wanks should stop the whole British talk. It isn't cool, half of you guys are Indians for fucks sake, INDIANS and not fucking British, act like one, it's cooler that way. And just remember, you fuckers were mocking a 19year old, someone barely a young adult. Even I feel sorry for you guys...picking on people not of anyone of your level. Then again, I'm not even close to your standards because it's too damn low for me to even bother trying to comprehend.

Ni na bu ji bai, lim peh kan pua du lan.

2008-06-10T07:05:00.004+08:00

" I was screaming my brains out
In a tongue no one could understand,
But you were there to comfort me.

I sought attention and created havoc,
Almost killing the life your brought a year later than I,
But you were there to calm me down.

I slammed doors, broke glass decorations,
I roamed the house like Charlie in the Factory,
But you were there to even things out.

I mocked your beliefs and invented some of my own,
I even left the sanctuary you made to be our second home,
And you were there disappointed, but you still accepted nonetheless.

I've gone against the three things you forbid me from doing:
Drinking, smoking and gambling,
But you were still there, only to advise and didn't take control. "

Though these works out to be mere words that seem to make no sense to anyone and are of no artistic value, but I'm sure you'd understand every phrase; every word used.

To mom: I love you.

2008-06-07T08:11:00.002+08:00

I wouldn't want to detest, neither would I bother to yearn, not anymore. Maybe I should have stuck to the old theories, just maybe. Then again, it couldn't be helped; how blindness came like a force. I've taken back my sanity, at least I think I have.

I'd rather trust only myself.

2008-05-27T02:52:00.003+08:00

" Why is there the urge, a need, the desire to lust? Why is there a pain each time one of this is lost? I see no need for any of this. It is an utter waste of time, to express and to share. It is an utter waste of time to lie and to deceive. It is an utter waste of time to depend, it is a sign of weakness. The inability to withstand bonds created by love and trust. Is there really a need for any of these bonds or emotion?

It is mere desire to look for "happiness". I tell you now that happiness can be found within yourself. "Happiness" can be found by hate. And hate in itself is an awesome feeling. It controls yourself from foolishness, it forms a barrier protecting you from giving too much. It is a hammer to knock down pertruding nails.

I speak to myself, it may seem like petty whines. But who the fuck should care? I live without trust, I live only by blood. "

2008-05-22T03:47:00.001+08:00

One theory; shattered and mixed up.

2008-05-21T03:59:00.003+08:00

"Created.Nutured.Perceived.Expected.Prevail.Future."

Silenced by a force empowered by desperation, the mind is fogged. Disturbing ignorance; unrest from what lacks. The impact of this oblivion, perhaps it is all but just mere paranoia. Led to realise hope,yet nothing more than a false prophet's preaching. The limits are soon to be breached.

2008-05-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

I deserve some fucking respect too.

2008-04-23T02:00:00.002+08:00

"I can't express the way I feel,
The way you make me weak to the toes.
It's like a loss tossed into the sea,
Breaking bonds left for a memory.

To wait is to embrace heaven's touch,
Walking away is jabbing needles into this cut."

It was an interesting night; booze by the roadside. Like the rhymes off "My Confessions", confused and tensed up. A struggle to hold down composure, a struggle yet to be matched. Alcohol seemed to prove it's point of holding the truth, snatching away the devil's trump card. Nothing was to be left unsaid, and yet what fell on ears was knowing lesser than whatever was known before.

2008-04-11T09:23:00.003+08:00

GOOD MORNING! Okay, wait, I take away the "good" in that. So yeah, MORNING!

Anyway, this has to be the FIRST god-damned bloody time I've blogged in school. Maybe it's the fact that I got fucking KICKED OUT OF CLASS. Fuck, apparently the module I'm supposed to have today is a module that I've already taken the last semester. Now how fucking fucked up is that. Arrgh, so I'm sitting here, praying that some concerned soul would chat with me. WOOHOO! Someone just did. Okay, no more loser-bitchings to this pathetic blog. CIAO!

2008-04-05T07:08:00.003+08:00

I just got my Chinese ass back from Bintan! Which didn't really prove to be anything close to "fun" really. I can easily give a description actually: God-forsaken. Well at least it was to me since I went there with another guy. (note: singular word, guy) How fucking pathetic is that? I have tons of things to curse my tongue dry, like the fucked up currency for example. But then again, I couldn't really be bothered since vanity is really the issue here. Yes, a fucking sun-burnt face. Emphasis on fucking, Ha, nah I ain't a Blondie. F-A-C-E, now that's my issue right there. How retarded would I look when I start my skin-shedding season? I'd probably be looking like that furred character from the "Journey to the west", the spastic looking monkey who waves his rod, no pole, or whatever that retractable thing is (it's a weapon by the way not his manhood). AHAHAHAHA! Man I'm so bored I'm laughing at my own jokes blogging this down. Aahahhaaha. Oh fuck, I'm starting to get lazy to think of anything else that should go into this post....Alright, BYE! Itiastlyn!

2008-03-29T07:26:00.001+08:00

nineteen!

2008-03-26T06:45:00.003+08:00

Someone reminded about my life's love situation. With judgement based on this generation's over-rated trend to date. I question really, and maybe it's just me. But who the fuck really cares? I mean, so I haven't dated, so I haven't had a taste of companionship, so what? My defence says I'm too cool to bother myself with a relationship, but my head mocks me with my delusion. Still, I see no point in a desperate attempt to marry myself with such a trait of lust. The female friends think it's something to respect, but it is just...respect. Isn't it not?

Well go ahead and remind me again why I'm single.

2008-03-25T08:46:00.002+08:00

握着你的手　走过快乐和难过
黑夜白昼每个人都会拥有
人生是没有定律的一种节奏
不必在乎得太多
快乐的一刻　胜过永恒的难过
黑夜过后就有日出和日落
只要和你一起度过　人生没几人懂我
懂得把握　庆幸有你　爱我.

2008-03-24T18:29:00.002+08:00

I am losing my sanity.

2008-03-20T20:18:00.003+08:00

Today's BLOG-POST: Insights to Michael's life....so far.

Okay, so I'll try blogging about the happenings for once. Now let me see, Monday..I was at...SOCCER! Woohoo, then a friend's birthday. And then overnight, and then, well, a $20+ cab fare home which hurt so god-damn badly on my income (which happens to be a handful I call allowance). So yeah anyway, other than this one Monday, everything has been...erm...you know...

Oh you know what? I give up. I can't even make myself happy blogging like this. Everything's been a bore, a chore, a whore waiting for her victim. Wait, an ugly whore for that matter, ahaha. Trust me to laugh over something so pathetically low-IQ-ed joke. AHAHAHA. ROFL. LMAO. LOLX. Okay I'm done.

So anyway, yes, my holidays has been mundane as I have always put it. But you see, I can't really blame anyone since I chose not to look for a job. Then again, it wasn't really my fault since I thought 2 and a half months was a long time, then procrastination, then...yeah, this shithole I've dug for myself.

IT
IS
TOO
GOD
DAMN
BORING.

Life's like fart right now, smells bad, benefits no one and it's gonna kill everyone else someday.

2008-03-10T07:49:00.000+08:00

I miss you best friend.

2008-03-09T11:08:00.002+08:00

Man, given the amount of free time I had and well, still have, I have decided...to give this blog a fresh post! Then again, there is a reason why I chose not to, seemingly because...there is NOTHING to talk about. So I think talking about this senseless reason as to why I can't blog has become my victim of a topic. Confused? Yeah, so am I.

Oh screw it, I'm wasting my time seriously...Blog or don't blog, this is more like a temporary escape from boredom. But of course, to no avail I'd say. Besides, I'm dozing off...

Ciao world. For now.

2008-01-28T13:12:00.000+08:00

I'm tryin' so hard,
To find the words,
To create a rhyme,
Like them rappers do.

It ain't easy,
And it sure needs skill,
To put together a phrase that kills.

I'm doin' it to relax,
To find peace,
To search within,
But why isn't it working?

Maybe I should try mutilation,
Suicide seems ideal,
But what hurts the most,
Digs deep down below.

My heart's crying out,
It needs a king,
Of solemness,
It seeks a death wish.

I've tried too long to be oblivious, to be unnoticed, to be a John Doe, to be without sin.

2008-01-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

I seriously need Internet Access at home again. And PP's a fucking killer. And all I can whine to and feel nuetral about it is blogger. How silly is that..

2008-01-05T07:45:00.000+08:00

I am the host of my equilibrium,
One forsaken by trust,
One dwelling not in the mellows of time,
But one;
Losing balance.

I am the host of mediocrity,
Dismissed by ennui,
Disgraced by a perplexed faces,
But never disowned.

I am the host of insanity,
Not of derangement,
Not of psychological instability,
But of this equilibrium;
This mediocrity…
Tilting off; losing control.

2008-01-01T18:30:00.000+08:00

powerpills.

2007-12-25T09:58:00.000+08:00

A routine celebration;
Though one not for me,
I still chose to give,
But fuck, it only backfired on me.

Burnt the sleepless night, to no avail.
Burnt my pride, but still, to what avail?
I loved, but love mocked me and thrashed it into my fucking face.

Yes, I am filled with angst right now. A pure waste of my time, seriously.

2007-12-21T03:03:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU FUJITSU! How dare you swap my 80Gb Hard disk for a pathethic 40Gb! MOFOs.

And to think the elation on getting my laptop back was fucking on overdrive. FUCK. Now I have to fucking waste my fucking time and go back and change it. KNNBCB.

2007-12-20T16:14:00.000+08:00

An insane night; a motive for alcohol abuse. The alluring crowd, I should have taken two steps back. The consequence of not following the gut; rejection hit me like bullets to the heart. No it is not mutual as such, but something less harmful; the embaressment was harsh.

I should seriously learn to control...

2007-12-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

This trust has been broken.

2007-12-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

A poetic insult; seen through a tankard of alcohol. It is cheap thrills, but it still ain't no crime. Questioned of the many masks worn, "façades" they call it, well it was how I was born. And I can't speak of the lies we create; of the lies to hate, but to wipe your soul clean, my conscience is dead. Commenced in the days of three hundred odd, I've conjured a need to belong. There isn't really much more left to say, but to count my days; numbered.

2007-11-28T23:57:00.000+08:00

What the Fuck?

A standing ovation to doubt.

2007-11-27T22:14:00.000+08:00

Intangible instincts.

2007-11-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

Limited to prison cell; one conjured by oblivion. Of different context, but it's a silent treatment as someone said it was. Flourished by endless laughter but damned by muted conversations; I dare not seek jeopardy. To taste of such humane mental-torture and torment, what more could there be to engrave it's name on a wrecked mind. A nation's third degree of education; an opportune of utter distaste for what has been deemed insanity of regulation.

Yes, I am bothered.

2007-11-13T00:19:00.000+08:00

And today I witnessed a death without scars,
Of a man of 99; he has never drove a motorized car.
He got me my meals back when I was 9,
Then it hit a transition when I gave back; like tithes.

This man of 99; face wrinkled by time,
A magnificent smile of a man in love,
A smile cherished by a lady down 9 years.
They held hands, there was no retaliation,
This man of 99 breathe his last words.

Now here he lays, unscathed and unharmed,
Off springs lay silent; mumbling their lines.
As aged as he once was, they held their tears,
Praying to a god they wish was looking down from above.

Praying for this man...this great and mighty man,who lived... to 99.
- grandpa

2007-11-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

A caption in time, burnt by decomposition; faded. Fascination from a clouded scene, like the Moulin Rouge on standby. I stand to scout, of a hit-man hidden; masked by the crowd. Bang.

2007-10-24T01:10:00.000+08:00

Of all fury, a palpable immense hate; indulge in the imminent death. To wither through time, deserving elate.

The impossibility to succumb to yield, for certainly not, will I condone my current state.

2007-10-19T01:20:00.000+08:00

I never seem to get it right, or could it just be that my expectations are well, simply too high? Life's truly been a bitch these days; weeks for that matter and I honestly thought I was having the time of my mediocre life. Pfft...Shit really happens. I can't think of anything else to have in this post, so I'm just gonna call it quits.

FUCK life if it was ever an option of choice. Or at the very least, if it was even a possibility.

2007-10-08T00:53:00.000+08:00

Good lord, troubling it is as it seems. What of this trouble? I wish I knew myself.. Apparent affection seems to be settling in I think. A good 18 years, man I'm fucking pathetic. Still, perhaps it's just the occasional face that seems to decide to pay my love life a visit, mocking me each time. Well screw you back! If that were ever possible. Ah well, maybe I'll just stick to picturing and embracing the thought. That aside, things are looking mighty well indeed. And no, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, you just wait for your side to start bloody growing. And that's exactly what I'm harvesting right now - pretty green grass, as of course a figure of speech.

But then again, I can't help but recognize and remember the recent images I painted in my mind. It's like the typical dream of a over-influenced-television-addict. I must give hand to these film directors, these images they paint for you - the idealistic home, enviroment... Oh man, I dare say just nurturing such a thought is creating a void from inside, and yeah, I'd wish I was sucked inwards, into myself. How cool would that be! But that's besides the point of course.

I've just contracted sudden laziness, so till the next...

2007-09-13T18:41:00.000+08:00

How am I to describe and emote of such beauty?

2007-09-04T06:59:00.001+08:00

Sat on a sofa clad in its dull yellow coat, I take a fogged glance out of my window. It's 7 in the morning, the air is fresh, I have yet to take sleep. This isn't the first time I have blogged of such surreality, of such immense satisfaction. Then again, I wouldn't even use such words to describe. I smell freedom, life, and the struggling peace to unfold. The impact of the gentle breeze that hits my face, I feel humbled. Perhaps it's the lack of motivation to do anything lately, or perhaps it's simply my customary laziness. But heck, I'm happy right now. It's probably gonna last a couple more minutes, or well, till I'm done with this post at least. What do I look for really, what? I couldn't be bothered to answer myself anymore really, it's becoming a hassle. Ah, yes, my few minutes of wishful blissfulness is over and so is this post. Till the next...

2007-08-05T23:11:00.001+08:00

Blank.

2007-08-05T23:01:00.001+08:00

And I'll sing you this song,
A song sang by the wind,
To express my love..For this emotion.

And I've waited for so long,
Don't know what life has left for me,
And I'm falling to my knees,
Looking to eternity...

2007-07-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

Exhilaration.

I've found my ecstasy, and I figured I shan't only whine to blogger. I've tried with words, to describe this emotion; surreal. And here I sit, relaxed and unperturbed.

I'm looking to the heavens, I'm embracing the smell of rain yet to come. Indulgence. It's hard to express my love for this emotion, and it sets me back, what subversion? Gratified and mesmerized. This tragic life has never been so calm.

Take me back to the time when we were free and ignorant.

2007-06-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

Father, I have sinned.

Not a second goes by, it haunts. These pieces don't seem to match, I think I'm stuck in this confusion.

You're weak.

And perhaps I am.
Perhaps I was made for better; perhaps.

2007-05-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

I fucked up.

2007-04-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

Somehow, I'm just so tired, sick perhaps. Not in what's physical; my mind is dead. Could it be that recently, all the expectations from life has finally taken its toll on my weakness? It's indescribable. What happened to all good things come to an end? I suppose I've only got two reasonings to that. Maybe it's just the routines, creating this entire vacuum of slack, a black hole of ordinary. The weeks recently have been mundane. Utterly depressing I must say. But then again, here I am, whining to blogger. Interesting life I must say. Life's really living up to the phrase "life's a bitch", and I couldn't agree more. I'm stuck in this shit hole, and every second is consuming my pathetic being away. How fascinating isn't it? I need to find motivation; I need to be inspired.

I want to drown myself in a new song.

2007-04-01T06:35:00.000+08:00

Years it sure has been, and it seemingly feels different. Strange perhaps. Reminisce the past and what-was becomes surreal. From sand to a metallic contraption; the laziness sinks in. But I will not deny it, and even recalling it sometimes sets me thinking. 3 oblivious kids, hogging on to Sega, gulping down the classics of Coca Cola; or coke they now call it. It is a thought always worth reminiscing, recollecting the memories of what would have been. At the 8th year of your life, you'd realize the craziest careers you aspired to succeed in. A pity perhaps, or a child's wishful thinking, but I certainly think it is what sets us free. To believe miracles could happen, that we could someday fly. I honestly wonder what us 3 kids could have been, but circumstances has already planned it, migration is was. I never really thought much about it, let alone thought it was that big a deal. And yet it is only now, you truly realize and picture the could-have-beens. I would never want to stop reminiscing, and you could say that that's what's holding me back.

"set me free, to the world that I have yet to fully see."

2007-03-16T05:49:00.000+08:00

Changed my attempt, good intentions.
Swayed with the flow, the innocent blood of this soul.
I want to bleed, I thirst for the pain.
My unstable temperament. My reckless state, yet so divine.

What does it all matter now?

I fear I've already self-inflicted my perdition.

2007-03-06T03:18:00.000+08:00

The formalities and all what's within, through simple trust, falling deeper in.
Raced through a couple of dimensions,still searching for an indescribable recognition.
This struggles I had, with the sacrifices I'm but left.
To the oblivious surround, it crumbles down now.
What has it all left me? What does it all say?
Come, tell me now.
No really, make my day.

2007-02-22T04:50:00.001+08:00

Isn't fascinating how people simply try so fucking hard to be like someone else? The lingoes they try to imitate, the fashion they desperately try to pick up, and practically everything. Oh and let's put it this way, what was always preached was to NEVER wear masks. Pfft, talk about oxymora. Perhaps I've got issues to put these cross-bearers down so instinctively, or perhaps it's just a past time. Then again, whatever.

Hah, 'Champions' they call themselves, I beg to differ.

"it's always the same lines, the same look, what are you guys? Imitations?So much for creation, so much for 'everyone's different'Pfft...Losers."

2007-02-14T19:17:00.001+08:00

'Cause I'm selfish and I'm cold,
Careless, and lonely again.
This world seems to be ending,
And there is nothing left to lose; Nothing left to prove.
And I am all torn on the inside.
The cross I cannot bear feels like pressure coming down.

The trust is dead in me...

2007-01-24T20:26:00.000+08:00

In this life I await, for the life that has yet to be seen,
In this world unknown, I felt so lost in the peace.
The silence of the crowd, a scene of a mummified prince,
I'm gathering my thoughts.

"These concomitants."

2007-01-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

Croon this song; keep me far from you
Let me break free from life, into my solitude
To my remote and sound mind; break from the hustle

"I'll stay right here with all these familiar faces and shut-out everyone else from the world we've created"

2006-12-25T05:55:00.000+08:00

Is there really so much to talk about? I mean let's face it, our lives are pathetic. We don't want money to get its better hold and yet we know it's what's making this world go round. We all want to love and be loved and yet we know in the end, its never going to last. So what if it is till death that does us part? It ends and we know it. And it is a sad truth but everyman is, really, an island, and everyman is, really, for himself, till a woman comes along at least; or another man. But the fact is, it's only what makes us human to want everything for ourselves. Selfish? Or is it the least we deserve? But it wasn't as if being created and living this world wasn't bad enough. So tell me, really, what is there to this or if it was ever?

2006-12-22T01:05:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting for a death without physical scars, for a mother not to grief over a child never conceived. What would it be like to spell our name before we die, to eat the pie that we once loved as a child. Unimaginable phenomenons taking place with each step in time, but we never really question ourselves over what life has to bring. What then do we serve? An intangible God? Or science and technology? Or perhaps Love, or this feeling deep within? I want the answers, and I need them quick. More than feeding mere curiosity, it's life's purpose I truely seek.

2006-11-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

I've strayed into a foreign realm,
Where the devil has lost his hold,
Where the angels have given up all hope,
And all that remains is my death note.

2006-10-24T22:05:00.000+08:00

It was silently pleasing, the warmth of the afternoon breeze, like a trench coat was, in olden times. And there I sat, oblivious to the hustle, almost slipping off the cold steel, pondering about what time would bring: this facade, would I still need it? And in time to come, would I still face the dilemmas I do today? My needs, would they be fulfilled? But it would certainly be unfair, if time was said to heal, but all that comes to past is nothing close to bliss. It won't wait and I pray my sanity be kept, that life would have me govern, that time comes nothing close to disrupt my sound mind. That the faces that I hold dear walk side by side, with each stride a reminder of what the past was like.

2006-10-15T01:13:00.000+08:00

I'm disgusted. Disgusted by how shallow the human mind can get. Disgusted by the immaturity. Disgusted by the people who have proved me right. Its ironic, how I thought I should think highly of them, and give the benefit of the doubt. But nothing changed, I was the victor of my perceptions. It truly is sad, how people only depend on each other for materialistic satisfaction, to make a statement, to give in to influence. Its strange how people don't see a point in having a partner who's of their maturity level, or perhaps a level in relationship above mere looks and shared interests. Oh but wait, maybe they are of the same level of maturity. I guess it is too much to ask from a youth society here. People give in to influence a little too much. But there are exceptions I must say, a minority who can stand their ground and challenge the norms. But again its sad how few people like us, are around.

Nothing surprises me anymore.

2006-10-02T00:15:00.000+08:00

Night slinks in and another new day awaits, and I can't help but ponder about when we were kids. We were oblivious to the world around, secluded in the ignorance of immaturity.

A scene of nostalgia of two carefree boys, sitting by the playground, to cool for a swing. We never bothered much about the questions we asked, our curiosity about life, and what is had to give. We shared a passion, to one day indulge in eternal bliss, but come to think of it, perhaps it was only wishful thinking. Now strained by time, this friendship that years helped built, and all I can do is contemplate. Time it seems, has rubbed in awkwardness. My only prayer is for all to be healed, and ignite again the once-was.

2006-09-23T04:22:00.000+08:00

A silent dream
A dreaded mutter
A foolish plea for a greater number

I can't seem to contemplate
How this world, has been made
Where everyone percieves
Each life each make

We hustle through life
Into a common daze
Into sleepless night
We can't get into place

And even after all
I'm in denial
And perhaps I still seek, for a greater cause
But Michael, no, reminisce not
Fantasies pass and you can't dim out

The life I want
But the seclusion I'm in
17 years and I'm but, delude
I can't think
And wait, I'm falling
Falling to my knees
Screaming for help.

2006-09-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

I don't believe in constants, but its remarkable who the world have chosen to govern themselves. Legal tender they call it, picking us by our very nose. It's ironic though, how it was suppose to provide us easy-goings, but as the unanimous leader in itself, it took its self-directed course. Selflessness turned self-ishness, and every man in a rampage to seize their own islands. Are we still to dream for infinity, that this world is eternal? But what's there to plea but for money. The more the merrier isn't it?

They say money can't buy us happiness, but it sure seems that to me. It certainly is too much to ask for from a what-seems-to-be a god-forsaken world, a materialistic generation. I mean, what is there to ask from a society where the poor seems to spend the most?

2006-09-17T11:21:00.000+08:00

Hours before the break of day the gentle caressing of the morning breeze greeted thee. It seemed surreal. As I laid there in the unscatted wooden-rocking chair, hands pressed under my head, I couldn't help but ponder about the ironically calm nature in this modernising world. A pity it would have been if missed, this rare unpolluted freshness in the air. And for the first time in my disturbed and confused world did everything seem to gather and take their place. My Utopia, untangled from worry; freed from the concerns to survive. I couldn't have asked for more, this intangible sensation, this unperturbed dimension, perhaps my valium has finally come to me. But what's this with every passing moment, my serene world is consumed by time. What injustice this system has brought, "time" it seems, truely waits for no man. Like an angel taking it flight, a blinding beam of light shot into my eyes. Its over. And now all I'm praying is for a second chance to revisit my new found kingdom; my fortress; my Utopia.

2006-09-14T00:32:00.000+08:00

Courtships, they say, liberates the soul, and yet we know the irony of it all. The burden of the responsibilities, the hassles of keeping a sane mind. Perhaps we have accustomed ourselves to derive unimaginable satisfaction to care for another, or maybe it's only "human" . But whatever it is, we need it, this emotion, this sensation. We need confidants, we need someone greater, and above all, we need someone to love. The mortal and spiritual realms was where I searched but 17 years of illusionary courtships and alone was what always I've been. I went to religion and tried to experience a God, but I guess it never satisfied. And now I'm back at square one, hanging loose in a crowd with couples all around. Being without a partner amongst the rest has us persue, maybe manipulated by the outside impressions we give, or maybe simply because of a chance to experience what they do.

But Single really isn't all too bad is it?...Hah,but who am I to kid?

"i want to know what it means to live for someone else, to give up yourself.."

2006-09-12T12:46:00.000+08:00

The indulging thought of a blissful world, it seems, would never rhyme. And all I can dream of is a valium to send me to a languor state; to run away from the hassles of this leeched race; but most of all, to escape this mortal world to a place where emotions have gone cold. Perhaps the big guy got it all wrong, or perhaps it is in his time, but religion to me is faded, extinct through these eyes of mine. This labyrinth of emotions, this insecure mind, oh sweet valium, what would it take, to have you be mine.